justin and i haven’t followed a specific parenting method with either of our children. simply, we have followed their leads and listened to their needs. we have implemented love, discipline, play and nurturing in ways that feel appropriate and natural for us. with that said i’ve recently found myself on the attachment parenting website and reading blogs related to topics about the family bed, breastfeeding, and night time weaning for information, support and advise.
jackson was in his own crib in his own room at 7 weeks old. i nursed him until he self-weaned at about 7 months. at night and during the day he would nurse and i could lay him down to fall asleep on his own. he really wasn’t a big cuddler and seemed to not only like his independence but thrive with it. once we moved him from the bassinet in our room to his own crib in his own room he slept longer and more soundly. so, why it comes as a surprise that harper has completely opposite needs is beyond me; the saying is that each child is totally different, right? and so it would seem, for us, there is some merit there.
if it were physically and logistically feasible, harper would prefer to spend her entire day mucked right on to my boob. seriously. ok, she might want a quick break to be smiled and coo’d at or follow the blur that is her brother but then right back at it. she really only sleeps on her own if she’s nursed, held or walked to sleep. at night, i nurse her to sleep and lay her in the bassinet she sleeps in next to our bed. when she awakes the first time i nurse her in bed and then she stays there; warm, toasty and cuddly by my side. and in this is where the guilt, pressure, and uncertainty comes. the reason for my reading and understanding the attachment parenting way…
i have been feeling really guilty about this sleeping arrangement. there seems to be this huge push in our society for our babies and children to be independent. it seems to be a brag-worthy thing to tell your friends if your baby is sleeping in their own room and for 6 hours straight. it does not however, seem brag worthy to report that your baby sleeps along side you turning her head and latching on for a quick snack anytime she feels like it. bummer.
the trend for me seems to be that as soon as i have fretted, cried and lost my shit a few times about something it magically works itself out…0r maybe i just reach my threshold and implement change (or acceptance) involuntarily. who knows. but either way, each and every day harper is growing and changing and something tells me she’s not going to be three months old and in our bed forever.
once i strip away the ‘societal guilt’ the only guilt left is that for my marriage and my relationship with justin. i often feel like i’m being held captive by my infant and finding time for myself let alone my husband can feel challenging and overwhelming. so is the story of parenthood, i guess. but i know how important it is to re-connect and stay connected and see the light at the end of the two and under tunnel. eek, i hate making that sound negative…but it does bring with it challenges…
so, it seems that as long as i’m feeling ok, i’m feeling connected to justin and we’re ok, everything will be…yes, ok. harper likes sleeping next to me. some may say she’s being spoiled or that we’re creating a bad habit. i’d say we’re following her lead and doing what feels best, for us. if she’s still latched on and pooping in her drawers whilst sleeping by my side in say, 2017, we’ll have a problem. until then, here’s to parenting the way you feel works best for you. no matter what oprah, dr. phil, kate goslen, your aunt mabel or cousin jethrow may say.
