every parent has those little things. those things that we do when [we hope] no one is looking. that we hope our children won’t remember or repeat the next day or the next week or ever. those things that make us human; remind us that we can not simply do it all and even the strongest, got-her-shit-together mommas sometimes do asinine things.

like picking our noses. not like digging for buried treasure picking (because god knows we never do that). like that little tickle of a boogie that you can feel moving in and out with each breath. the one that you ever so slickly swipe with the tip of your thumb. and that, without fail, your almost three year old catches and gazes at in wonder.

head cocked slightly to the side, momma you pick your nose?

pause long enough to formulate a not fully, yet just enough bullshitted line of, momma had a tickle i had to itch.

things like that. and things like making your child [who is fully potty trained] pee in a diaper.

totally asinine.

but it could happen.

on nights like tonight.

scenario: dinner eaten, lightning mcqueen driven, tub full of stuffed animals and babies toppled, climbed in and through and on, basket of three hundred and seven pieces of play food dumped, jumped on and, to give some credit, cooked with. game of switch the socks successfully carried out. teeth brushed, noses wiped, vics applied. up the stairs [which takes 5-7 minutes as ms. independent needs to step and hold the railing that she can almost but not quite reach while refusing help from mom who stands behind palms up and knees bent waiting for the catch and save]. jammies on, books selected. thumb in mouth. quiet.

then the pee dance from the almost three year old.

me: jackson do you have to go to the bathroom?

j: no, no i DON’T!

me (thinking): i totally messed this one up. and holy shit i never want to leave this chair.

j: yes, yes mama i do have to pee!
(funny what happens when something is brought to a little one’s attention)

me: jackson please grab me one of harper’s diapers over there in the basket.

j: why, mama?

me: hurry hunny, please take one and bring it to me. good. now come really close.

j: mommy! i’m not a BAYbe! i don’t wear diapers!

me: i know bud but it’s ok. just pee.

j: (laughing) this is so funny mommy!

me: this is what we call an emergency pee. ok?

me (thinking): please let this be our little secret. pretty, pretty please.

so, yes. i held a diaper to my son’s crotch and told him to pee in it. because i was too lazy to get up and troop it to the bathroom.

and to be honest. i’m not even ashamed. it’s just one of those things that i [hope to god] other parents do.

right?

and i have faith that the emergency pee story will come out again, out of the complete and utter blue, in front of the totally wrong people during a totally inappropriate circumstance. that’s just the way of the world.

i’m hoping i’m not alone here. actually, i know i’m not. you may not make your potty trained kid pee in a diaper (what kind of reversed effed up psychology is that, anyway?) but come on. you do something.
and i’d love to hear about it. if for nothing else to make me feel less like a lazy, crazy person.

(all this talk of peeing in bedrooms reminded me of this post.
and truth be told i kind of wish i could get away with it non-prego.)

nighty night.

**title credit: pender’s family. a few years ago i was with my bosses wife and her kids coming back from a long road trip and upon returning to their driveway their middle son burst out of the car and started peeing in the driveway – while shouting, EMERGENCY PEE! guess the phrase kinda stuck.