it’s been a long time since i’ve written about  the joys of pregnancy and considering i’ve been pregnant for 16 out of the last 24 months (yes, seriously) i thought it was about time. the funny thing is this time round i really haven’t had the urge to vent, chronicle or freak out about the fascinating, horrifying, amazing or down right bizarre nuances of baby brewing. it’s probably because, let’s be honest, it just happened the first time a few months ago, and i’ve got a trillion other things vying for attention and space in my already too-cramped head.

it’s been kind of an on-going joke with friends and family that this poor baby is so not getting the attention, albeit in utero, that jackson did. what names do you have picked out? they ask. um, right. a name. ah, we’re still working on that. how far along are you? they ask. 30 weeks? wait, no, more like 32 wks? ah, i’m due in early september, i resort to.

i’m really hoping that i’m just much more laid back this time around. it’s either that or i’m in serious shock and denial and need to get professional help STAT. i guess i take comfort in knowing that as long as this baby has a few articles of clothing (check), a place to sleep (working on it) and a boob or two (check, check) we’ll all be good to go.  and honestly, i’m getting really excited. i’ve been looking through old (does 9 months count as old?) pictures of jackson and some video of those first few months. it’s crazy how i can barely remember those days. why is that?  seeing his little body, without vocals, and with those wide smokey blue eyes made me melt and cringe all at once. holy shit. are we really doing this all over again? sweet mutha.

yesterday someone asked me how it was possible that i still had 8 weeks to go. how do you answer that question? yes, i do and thanks for noticing that i’m apparently humongous and swollen and look like i’ve been keeping every fast food restaurant from here to new hampshire thriving? my actual retort: i know! i’m going to be really big, huh? guess i just make some big ‘ol babies. smile. bitch.

but the reality is she’s right. i’m pretty damn huge. and it’s weird because it came out of nowhere. for the first several months i was ‘measuring small’ or at the least right on track. with jackson i was always huge and he was always measuring 2-3 weeks ahead. i did also eat about a pound of mac and cheese and bread and ice cream every day for the first 3 months with jackson and barely got off the couch. that may have aided slightly in the large momma, large baby scenario we had going. but this time, i’ve been on the run. it’s been warmer and my appetite hasn’t been as big. don’t get me wrong, i still eat half the box of annie’s when i make it for jackson, pick up a gallon of cookie dough and cool whip every week ‘for justin’ and have been known to stop by ‘ron’s cafe’ (my friend mary’s secret code for mcdonalds) for fries and a shake at least once a month. so last week when the nurse at my dr’s office measured my belly at 34 cm and my baby at 31 wks (they’re supposed to be the same) i knew my suspicions were true: this little bugger is growing and growing fast.

this baby is sitting much lower than jackson did which makes me much more uncomfortable and awkward and i am totally convinced, much less cute. instead of a round little basket ball up near my boobs i have a large egg teetering precariously close to my who-ha. see, not so cute. and my belly button doesn’t pop (didn’t the first time either) so i have the fat guy syndrome of a large dent where my button is. supernot cute for tight, belly exposing shirts. but beyond the cuteness factor, because really that is sooo not important at this stage in the game (or should it be?) is the comfort issue. at night i have to sleep with pillows between my knees and wake up every hour because it feels like the baby is balling my bladder up with his/her tiny fists. i don’t want to go downstairs to pee because our house is so damn squeeky that the long, noisy trek would surely wake jackson….which brings up another hysterical blog topic ‘my cammode’….stay tuned for that one…

i’ve got T minus 7 weeks and counting AND trust me i’m counting. amazingly i am still wearing my wedding rings and actually have a definable knee, calf and ankle. but this could all change at any moment. the stage where i can press on the top of my foot and leave an indent is quickly approaching. cankles will be my middle name,  my eyes will become small barely visable creases and my nose (according to my friend danielle) will get really big. so what i’m saying is that in a matter of days i am going to look really, really sexy. maybe even unrecognizably so. even my husband who rarely agrees or admits to my ‘off day’ or bad picture (why do i always think of that snickers commercial when i reference husbands and beauty comments?) says that the last few weeks of pregnancy #1 were a little scary. at least he tell me now, after the fact, because lord knows i would have seriously lost it getting that kind of info during the fact.

so as i’m nearing  d-day and my days of peeing regularly and sleeping without props are almost within reach, here is a list of the things i can NOT wait for:

• taking a deep breath
• not having to ask justin to shave my bikini area
• my favorite jeans
• spending my gift card from anthroplogie
• sex without a bulging, kicking belly
• cocktails
• heels
• regaining visual from belly button to mid thigh
• regularity
• my hair to start growing again
• cocktails
• cocktails
• walking  any long-ish distance without fear of birthing a baby right then, right there
• spinning (exercise in general, really)
• holding jackson and being able to snuggle him close
• moving quickly
• not applying a million layers of creams and lotions to every inch of my skin
• burning the baby name book
• giving away all of my hideous pants with big stretchy waist bands
• watching the scale rise and rise and rise
•  no swelling
• fewer migraines
• milk boobs

and a list of things, i will greatly miss:

• baby kicks and movements
• the unknown of what lies beneath the freckly skin of my belly
• eating ice cream nightly
• propping things on my built in belly shelf
• the unexplainable feeling of creating and carrying another life
• an excuse to wear flip flops 24/7
• devoting all of my attention and love to jackson
• the pride of pregnancy
• ewwws and ahhhhs from random people everywhere
• free swedish fish from the vending machine man
• en utero hiccups

this pregnancy has absolutely flown by. and although half of me is wishing it away an equal part is wishing it to stay. not only because the thought of two children right now is totally and utterly overwhelming but becuase this is most likely the last time i’ll ever be pregnant. and even though, honestly, neither pregnancy experience has been exactly what i envisioned it years ago, both have been truly special and miraculous. i wonder if justin’s sperm is super charged or if my eggs truly release like semi-automatic weapons. either way, it’s gotta be one of the two that brought us to this place; knocked up, scared shitless, extremely blessed, oozing with pride, totally grateful, clinically insane and totally happy.