i don’t think there was one time, even one eensie, teensie fleeting time, that i really thought about the fact that our baby might have “colic” or be inconsolable for extended periods of time. i can recall the pediatrician who came into our child birth class talk about a peak age when newborns tend to cry the most, 6 to 8 weeks. he said that parents call and ask if it’s normal and yada, yada, yada. i was thinking, yeah ok babies cry. now on to more important topics like immunizations and autism. looking back on it now, i wish i had paid a little more attention to the doc. go figure, we’ve got a crier people.

i can think of all the times i’ve heard people talk about the trials and tribulations with their now 20 year old; they had to put him in the car and drive around the block 42 times, they should have bought stock in Energizer with the amount of swinging and D batteries it took their kid to fall asleep, haha!  we all laugh.

let me tell you something people, i’m not laughing. check back when jackson is that 20 year old and the month of june 2008 is completely erased from my memory, albeit a few very cute pictures, where we all look ultra happy and maybe i’ll be in stitches too. i hope so.

as we approach jackson’s 6th week of life there have been many wondrous happenings and each day he is getting bigger, becoming more alert and continuing to steal our hearts. he has started to smile (yes, when he isn’t gassy or pooping), he rolls over from his tummy to his back, he (and I ) have survived his first growth spurt (i basically sat on the couch topless for a week feeding on demand).we have graduated from sponge to real baths. jackson has taken his first trip to his parents home land of new hampshire where he slept in a bureau drawer (seriously), and he has attended,more acurately slept through, two baseball games. see? lots of wondrous happenings.

in jackson’s world a breast magically appears on command (every man’s dream), he has two doting parents who want to eat him (refer to previous post), he is rocked and cuddled and loved constantly. now if you ask me, with all that lovin and eatin going on there shouldn’t be room for a crying, inconsolable baby. right? oh, lord. any takers for an overnight at the blood’s?

ok, so i might be exaggerating slightly. but i mean slightly. i’ll take last night as an example of what our last week or so has been like – i’m picking last night because even though i know there was one or two hours of sheer hell two days ago, my sleep deprived mind can not even begin to remember it. here we go:

5:30-6:30pm loaded a sleepy baby into the car seat and took off for my first solo outing to a store, Sams Club (yes, i am officially that woman). jackson slept through the whole thing!

6:30pm we nurse and dad comes home

6:45 justin makes salads for dinner, jackson and i finish nursing and he is starts to get cranky

6:50pm justin volunteers to take over with the crankster and i eat my salad

7:15pm justin eats his salad, i take over and change a poopy diaper (jackson still crying intermittently)

7:30 – 8:30pm jackson is sooo tired but won’t/can’t fall asleep. we rock, swing, walk, talk, bounce and eat.

8:30-8:45pm still hungry? he attacks me as if he hasn’t eaten in days…i’m not sure the girls have anything left. oh, and justin feeds him 2 oz of a bottle i had pumped earlier.

9:00pm – 9:30pm still crying. justin decides to put jackson in the car and take a drive. i attempt to sleep.

9:30pm justin very carefully carries baby in car seat inside. instantly he awakes and begins to cry. i come downstairs worried that justin might loose it.

10:15pm justin takes jackson up to our air conditioned room, still screaming. i did something i didn’t think i would do – made a formula bottle. at this point, my boobs were empty, this kid had been awake for waaaay too long, and justin and i were about to join the cry fest.

10:30pm in bed up i attempt one last time to nurse,the formula bottle staring me down on the nightstand. jackson latches on slowly wimpers and finally sucks himself to sleep. the formula gets flushed down the sink. 

10:30 – 10:35pm the tricky part of laying very still and letting him get into a deeper sleep. it’s usually this time that bayla hears something and howls. thank god not last night.

10:45pm baby asleep on mom’s chest. justin creeps to turn on nightlight and turn off bedside light. the “click” of the light turning off startles jackson he jumps, looses his binky and starts to cry.

11:00pm successfully got binky back in mouth and baby back to sleep. with a silent mouthed “goodnight” from mom and dad, we all drift off to sleep.

i’m sure that in two months i’ll be looking back on this time and kinda, barely, foggily remembering some crying going on. i doubt that it will ever feel as unbearable as it does right now because before we can blink an eye he’ll be crawling and sleeping through the night and we’ll have some sanity back. i guess what it really boils down to is that good ‘ol learning curve i keep discovering. it kept knocking me off my feet during pregnancy and something tells me i’ve got many, many years during parenthood for it to continue throwing me for a loop.

yes, having a baby is miraculous. it is also extremely challenging. in case you’re reading this and you haven’t had kids yet i’ve got a very important bulletin for you: having a baby will change your life in a matter of seconds, it will test every ounce of patience and sanity that you have. it will decrease your IQ (at least initially) by at least 20 points. your baby will cry at some point for several hours at a time maybe for days on end. you will look at your spouse and wonder if you’re really cut out for this. the good news is in the midst of all this i still think having jackson was the best decision of my life to this point. so if i think that now, i can’t imagine what it will feel like when we’re all getting plenty of sleep, when laughter and smiles are the norm, when my breasts stay in my bra for more than an hour. i wonder then, what i’ll be writing about in my journals….ah, the sheer bliss of a 6 month old…i can just imagine…

it’s 101 degrees right now. jackson, clad only in his diaper, just awoke (screaming) from his swing. justin is sweating bullets, cursing and trying to install an air conditioner to take the edge off our 85 degree house. bayla is sprawled across the wood floor so lethargically i dont think she’d move if a squirrel walked past her.  but we’re alive and really, we’re luckier then hell to have what we have. so as justin tells me all the time (in justin timberlake singing voice) “cry me a river”.