harper mckenna blood

september 2, 2009

7lbs 9oz 19 inches

it’s been3 weeks since the birth of my daughter and i am constantly having to remind myself that she is in fact a she. i have been blessed with a wonderful gift; a girl, a daughter and a woman who shares my blood, my dna and (hopefully) lots of other features soon to be discovered. having a daughter is something i wasn’t sure i would experience; wasn’t sure would be in the cards for me. but it was, it is and it is a reality. an amazing reality that i am oh so thankful for.

this is the story of harper’s entrance into this world and our lives:

on monday, august 31st i had a weekly appointment scheduled at the hospital for ‘non-stress-testing’. because i have a thyroid ‘disease’ i fit in a cute little, high risk, scared shitless about liability so we’ll test you for anything and everything as often as possible, category; equals once every 7 days i lay on a bed and have my belly (baby) monitored for heart rate, movement and amniotic fluid levels. every week, without fail, the nurses would comment on how ‘beautifully’ my baby was doing and how ‘great her movement is’. come to find out most of the other mothers were there because they did NOT think crack was wack. in comparison, yes, my baby (and me) were doing beautifully. thank you very much. 

on monday there were a few drops in the baby’s heart rate and although they weren’t serious, i was sent to labor and delivery for two hour ‘extended monintoring’. after starving me to death (admittedly i had two bags of swedish fish in my purse from the vending machine guy at work which i snuck when no one was looking) it was determined that the baby was doing great and there was no need for worry. me and my red tongue went back to work only to get a call from my ob’s office 30 minutes later saying the high risk dr had seen my chart fly across her desk and didn’t want to wait until next week to deliver. and because it was a holiday weekend coming up, tomorrow at 1pm was the day we would have our baby. hmmm. nothing like thinking you’ve got a full week to be at home, taking it easy, washing onesies, getting a pedicure, snuggling with your 16 month old and then WHAM! your child will be born tomorrow at 1pm. don’t eat or drink anything and we’ll see you then. remain calm. this calls for one more bag of swedish fish and hauling ass home.

justin and i decided to try and keep the evening as relaxed as possible. and honestly, it wasn’t that hard. obviously, we weren’t getting everything done we had wanted, but that was ok. we packed our hospital bags, the baby’s bag and jackson’s overnight-with- jo-jo bag. we cooked dinner, played with jackson and read extra bedtime books. we called our parents to discuss schedules and caring for jackson during the hospital stay and we got one last almost-uninterrupted night’s sleep. in the morning we packed the car, and brought jackson to jo-jo’s where he would stay for the normal day care day and then overnight. we arrived at the hospital only to find out that there was a full moon and women in labor popping up like crab grass. it was unlikely if we’d have the baby before 5pm – so go home, rest and come back at 3pm. oh, and no, you still can’t eat or drink anything. sorry.

home we went where i read eclipse for four hours and avoided the kitchen at all cost. we were back at the hospital at 3pm, settled into our pre-baby room, hooked up to monitors, fol-lied (worst experience ever. if they ask you for the option of in the ‘comfort and privacy of your room or on the OR table after your spinal’ take the latter. seriously.) and IV’d by 5pm.  by this time i had a raging headache (from lack of food/drink among other things) and could barely see straight. we were next in line for the OR and counting down the seconds. we met with the anesthesiologist and our doctor. the OR floor was being mopped from the last c-section (awesome) and we were given the green light. deja vu from last april, justin and i parted ways; he to change into his scrubs and me to walk to the operating room. 

the spinal was administered, that oh so familiar warm, tingling feeling spreading  from my toes up my legs. the doctors and techs were chatting among themselves; plans for the upcoming long weekend. one lady was visiting her cousin in ohio, my dr was traveling to see her son in college. i was topping them all.

surgery had begun and the lady headed to ohio called for justin to be brought in. together we huddled with our heads close together and had quiet, sweet conversation. although we were in a bright, cold room full of people, all i saw and heard was justin. it was as if the stimulation was too great to concentrate on anything but his face. the face that makes me feel safe, secure and loved.

when the time came for our baby to be delivered, dr schleifer held her up for justin to see and announce. he stood up and looked at our daughter and said, ‘ i told you so!’. the others in the room, all obviously unsure, prompted him, ‘ it’s a…’. but i already knew,  justin had been predicting a girl from day one.

the joy and happiness shooting through my body was incredible. it was if i had known, really known, all along but hearing those words felt just so right. the tears started rolling down my cheeks, try as i might, there was no containing this bliss. thank you, thank you, thank you for sending me this precious little lady.

after some time we were all transported to the recovery room. harper nursed and justin and i looked her over; her long toes, starfish fingers,  little button nose, grandpa moe’s ear notches (jackson has them too), perfect pink lips and dark blue eyes. a little girl; the creation of our love. unbelievable.

welcome harper to this world. your conception may have taken us by slightly by surprise, but your birth has stolen our hearts. you are perfect, precious and loved beyond words. thank you for choosing us to be your family; me to be your momma. i will try like hell to be the best mother, friend and woman i can, for you. i can’t promise i’ll be perfect because lord knows i won’t. but i do promise to give it my all and love you, to the moon and back, each and every step of the way.

harper’s name:

harper: justin came across this lovely name early on in our search and we just loved it. with several other possibilities we decided on harper after meeting her.                                                                                                         

origin: english
meaning: “harp player”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            a female first name with offbeat, boyish southern charm. a name with a musical bent. (nameberry.com)

mckenna: my late grandma mary alther’s mother’s maiden name, molly mckenna. a family name i’ve admired for years.