Archive for June, 2009

June 22nd, 2009

Thank You

Hannah has always been a skilled writer.  Actually, she’s very talented at anything that involves creativity.  She has the ability to look at a blank space or piece of paper and envision what she could make of it.  She sees the good, the bad and the promise in everything.  I like to think that’s what originally attracted her to me.  I’ve always been a bit of a black and white kind of guy.  She has pushed me, rather forcefully at times, to think outside of my little box.  

At times in our relationship we’ve both been able to express more through words on paper than in conversation.  I’m excited for her that she has found this way of creating and sharing her thoughts and feelings with many.  It takes confidence and courage to spill your inner thoughts on a web page for all to see.  Hannah has plenty of both.  When I read what she had written for me today I was extremely moved and filled with happiness.  I can’t imagine receiving a better father’s day gift.  Though, Jackson’s gift of a free round of golf wasn’t bad either. 

Hannah is in bed and probably thinks I’m enjoying the last half hour of Ghostbusters.  Have I told you the story of when I met Bill Murray?  I’ll save it for another blog.  Since Hannah knocked us down to basic cable that’s about as good a late night flick as you can find.  I can’t complain, she did give up HGTV and MTV to save us $10 a month in cable bills.  Instead I’ve hacked into her webpage to write a public thank you for all that she’s sacrificed and done to make this family as strong as it is. 

My mother wrote in my father’s day card the following:

The best thing  a father can do for his children is to love their mother. 

If this is the main criteria for being a successful and loving father I promise my children that I am very capable of doing just that .  

Hannah, thank you for a great father’s day.  I love you

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June 21st, 2009

really damn good

i always knew what kind of a father i wanted for my children. and surprisingly, i never doubted that i would find him. i say surprisingly because i guess if you look at the statistics or you talk to enough people the likelihood that i, a product of divorced parents, would always be confident in this area is not too great. but i was, and i am.  maybe it’s because i met the man who i envisioned as the father of my children when i was 15. yes, his mom had done in-home daycare and he had more exposure to kids than most teenage boys, but it wasn’t that. it was the way he looked at me and talked to me and made me feel. it was the way he helped me communicate  and open up. to break down the walls i had built around myself; to learn to trust, love and be loved.  i knew that if one person could love me this much, be so patient, consistent and true that any life we created together would receive this love three fold. the silent currant of knowing is a powerful thing and i’m not sure most people can say they’ve always known. for this and this alone, without the millions of other amazing things he is,  i am so thankful and so blessed.

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my son has the kind of father who comes home late from work, creeps into his room, lifts him from his crib, lays him on his chest and holds him in the dark. the kind of father who is never afraid to steal kisses and coo and cuddle in public, in front of his players, friends and family. he has a father who understands each of his cries and giggles, who knows just the spot to get let out the deepest of belly laughs and who has the safest, warmest, most comfortable embrace. jackson has the kind of dad who expects greatness from him. but he doesn’t expect greatness without showing greatness. he is a leader and a teacher setting his children up for huge success; success in triumphs and in loss, with relationships, in love, through struggles and hardships and in joy. and years from now, i know he will be the dad who knows his kids favorite colors, their greatest qualities and their biggest fears. the dad who will leave notes in their lunch boxes, call them when they’re away and hug them too long and too hard. he will be many of the things his dad, nor my dad were. some might call it compensating or wanting more but it’s not. it’s just who he is and who he’ll always be. and it’s not to say that he won’t mess up becuase he will. it’s not to say that some of the demons from his past won’t come back and challenge him because they will. but i have no doubt that he will always work hard to be the most loving, involved and caring dad possible. that his kids will grow into strong, confident and wise adults because of his influence and his love.

he is my husband, my greatest friend, my confidant, my love. he drives me absolutely crazy and makes me want to scream daily. he has the most beautiful eyes and the sexiest legs known to man. he  only tells me what he thinks i need to know and it back fires on him every time, without fail. when he touches my hair or face i melt. still, after 12 years. so i guess it’s safe to say that today, on father’s day, i am one lucky lady, jackson is one loved little boy, and this little one in utero is part of the most wonderful man i know. lord knows (and anyone who reads this blog) it’s not always easy and it’s not always perfect. but you know what?  it’s really, really, reallly damn good.

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June 16th, 2009

milk and cookie bar: open all night

it’s monday. ugh. and it’s raining. double ugh. but let me get it together here - it’s not really that bad because we’re talking that kind of summer rain that happens in the afternoon after a day of sunshine. the kind that creeps in and showers down but your windows and doors are still open, the sky is still light and it makes you feel rejuvenated instead of depressed. so, let’s back track a little. we’re really only at a single ‘ugh’; it is still monday and i don’t think there’s a hell of a lot anyone can do about that.

4:50pm the rain is pattering down around our house. i can hear the dryer clinking in the basement (justin thinks it’s one, more likely eighteen, of my bobby pins stuck in the barrel) and i can smell it’s scent wafting into the air. rain and clean laundry, a scrumptious combo. bayla is perched in her typical spot atop the love seat eyes glued to the front yard, nose pressed up against the screen. always ready to serve and protect; albeit from christopher the 9 year old next door or the old man with the two little dogs who walk by twice a day, everyday. very scary, we get it bayla.  i have just lit a small candle, lavender vanilla. it has been lit with love and showered with blessings for my cousin amy who is, or will be any minute, induced into labor for her third child. yay!

ok, so really the whole reason i’ve been painting this peaceful, tranquil, lovely smelling scene is to point out that it does not involve a certain noisy, dirty, busy-body 13 month old (who i love very much) because…he’s sleeping. ah sleep, quite possibly the most simple, most underrated, and most respected 4 letter word known to man. or at least to mother. jackson sleeping at 5pm is really not common, in fact i can’t remember the last time this happened. but he only slept for an hour today (and of course woke up screaming just as i had closed my eyes) so he was due.  although it’s quiet right now i’ve been seriously struggling lately with jackson’s sleeping patterns. i’m seeking some help, some advice, some feedback. anything. and since i have a feeling many of you have been there, are there, knew someone who was there , can imagine what it’s like to be there…ok, you get it… i’m hoping you can help a sista out. let me also add that i just got off the phone with a good friend who’s son is still waking up three times a night to hit up the milk and cookie bar and he’s 18 mos. so fess up and share your stories, offer some advice  or at the very least give me an ETA of what year (rough projections allowed) i might expect to sleep. shit. hold that thought, it is now 5:11pm and my 21 minutes of tranquility has been shattered…like i said, i need some serious help here.

i think, maybe, jackson slept 12 hours straight for a month or two somewhere around 9mos. but after this came  mid-winter and runny/stuffy/miserable nose central so i’m not sure we really ever had a fair idea of what ‘normal’ sleeping was. during these months of colds, ear infections, and buggers-a-la-everything we started giving an early morning bottle; somewhere between 3am and 5am, just enough to coax him back to bed for a few more delicious snippets of shut eye. now jackson is almost 14 months old and we are still doing the early morning milk (we have transitioned almost completely to sippy cups, though) and i know without almost any doubt that we are suffering from the same milk and cookie bar syndrome. like my girl friend said, if every time you woke up during the night someone brought you a tasty treat wouldn’t you keep waking up? shit. damn. crapola. we have become milk and cookie whores.  

so here’s my question: is it normal for kids this age to wake up at night? what about not just at 4am but at 11am and 2am with random outbursts that take minutes and minutes to subside? what have your experiences been and good lord, what did you find that helped? at the grocery store last night i bought a cute new nail polish, called pardon my french, not because i’m really into having pretty nails but because i’m afraid that if i don’t paint them asap i’ll chew them off my fingers completely. i got baby #2 on the brain, and sciatic for that matter, and i’m freaking out that in 2.5 months i’m  going to have not one but two kids awake all night…

CategoryUncategorized, loosing it, milestones, parenting, sleep | Comment5 Comments »

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