I wrote the letter below to my mom the day before Jackson was born. She found it at our house, where she was staying, the night of Jackson’s birth. Recently, Icame across it (while frantically trying to free-up disc space on our laptop) and thought I would post it here. My mom is a remarkable lady and without her I would have no chance in hell at becoming the woman or mother I am today. I love you Mama.
April 29th, 2008
For my Mama:
I sit here and try to pinpoint the exact things I am feeling. I am overwhelmed. My eyes are brimming with tears of excitement, fullness, and trepidation. But I am confident and have never felt more excited for any day in all my thousands of days on earth. My mind is whirling with thoughts and things to get done, but I am drawn to sit down and write a note to my mama the miraculous woman, who nearly 27 years ago, gave me life.
There are so many things that I want to tell you – many of them I think, and hope, I have articulated throughout the years. But only hours from the moment my son will be born I need you hear some of them again or maybe for the first time…
Being a mother is one of the hardest jobs there is. I know this because I’ve watched you struggle. I’ve watched you cry and I’ve been there when you hit rock bottom. I’ve seen the sacrifices you’ve endured and the choices you’ve made always keeping my best interests in the forefront. I know that hasn’t always been easy and there are things which you wish you could do over. There are things that I wish I could do over too.
I also know that being a mother is one of the most rewarding jobs there is. I know this because every inch of my body feels the unequivocal love that you have for me. There isn’t a doubt in my mind of the lengths you would go to keep me safe, healthy and happy. I have always felt protected, important and oh so very special. These feelings have taken me far in life and will continue to propel me into the next chapters – especially motherhood.
I know that as a mother I will struggle. There will be days where I will cry and I will hit rock bottom. I will not always make the perfect decision. But I will try like hell to make sure Jackson feels protected, important and oh so very special. And I am confident that the idyllic times in our life will outnumber the ominous. Just like they have for you and I.
So, today as you read this I am a mama and you a grandma. A miraculous circle of life has just come fully round. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for teaching me and guiding me confidently into my own. I am proud of the person I have become and I am seeping with joy about becoming a mother. This I owe all to you.
I love you with all my heart and soul.
