today is thursday, july 30th. my second child will be arriving on september 8th, that’s in 40 days. i’m truly praying that s/he doesn’t get the i-wanna-come-out-sooner itch because i/we/our house is SO not ready.  i’ve been really trying to remain calm. to not badger justin about the thousands of things we need to get done because although he won’t outwardly appear to be panicking, he will be. his anxiety will come out the way it always does; in his sleep. unlike me, he’ll slip into bed, put his head on the pillow and be fast asleep within 4.3 seconds. but 3-6 hours later he’ll wake with a start in a confused, and totally sweat engulfed state. we’ve been noting the patterns of this strange, wet behavior and know now that it is his way of dealing with life’s stresses (i get migraines with vision loss, speech loss and literally mind loss; damn, we’re a wreck, huh?). so, because it’s scary for both of us (not to mention a pain in the ass to change the sheets constantly) i’ve been trying like hell to keep all of my to-do lists kinda, sorta, as best i can, at bay. justin’s work schedule is totally crazed right now and he’s under a lot of pressure (on all accounts) to get shit done. he’s assured me our to-do list will get done before the baby comes. why do i have a sneaking suspicion that we’re going to be pulling out of the driveway en route to the hospital with spackle smeared across our faces, saw dust in our hair and wet paint on the walls?

see, i’m a nester. even when i’m not pregnant. i think lots of women are, actually. whenever i’ve been going through a change (moving, menstruating, preparing for a baby, whatever the case may be) i get there mentally by getting my physical surroundings in check. when i’m menstruating, i clean. top to bottom and inside out. when i move i start one room at a time and don’t stop until things are in their places and feel right. honestly, it’s hard for me to sleep until i feel some sense of calm and order (i may also have my mom to thank for some of this neurosis).  when i was 25 weeks pregnant with jackson his room was painted, the furniture was in place and the closet organizers were installed. by the time i was 35 weeks (which is where i am today with round two) i was washing onesies, folding and re-folding blankets and sleep sacks, packing and re-packing the hospital bag, tracing the outlines of the crib rails with my fingers, fantasizing, pretending and anxiously waiting. i was totally nested out.

yesterday, we started construction in our house. yes, i mean drills, dust, lots of tools, pre-hung doors laying sideways across the floor of our bedroom, 2×4′s and nails. this means that not only are folding newborn onesies an activity of the way distant future, the nesting part of my brain is oozing and bursting through ever orifice of my body. need. to. let. it. out. soon. or. i. might. die.

justin and i decided (months ago, mind you) to convert our master bedroom into two smaller rooms for the kids. this entails, among lots of other things, building walls, installing doors, extending baseboard heating, mudding, spackling, sanding, painting, moving our bedroom into jackson’s current room, making a new ‘big boy’ room for jackson and preparing a nursery. and one of my main goals was to do it a timely manner so jackson could be in his new room and settled before introducing a new living, breathing, attention-consuming, component to our  family. hmmmm. i think this kid’s going to learn the life lesson sink or swim pretty early. lets hope he’s got more in common with michael phelps than the titanic.

this morning was a great example of how different men and women are (at least in our family) and how on the same page, but SO not, we are. we’re getting dressed for work. jackson is running back and forth between our rooms with my eye shadow brush in hand, ‘painting’ his carpet with it (and i wonder why my eyes have been so itchy lately). justin and i are in our room trying to decide what pieces of furniture need to moved out, where and in what order, for the remaining door and wall to go in. my mind starts drifting (go figure) to other, equally important things, like jackson’s clothes are going to have to go in the closet in the nursery (until one is built in his room) and what bureau might he use? will the new chair for the nursery go in this corner or that one? i’m thinking this lighter blue (pointing at the new curtains i purchased) for jackson’s walls and maybe doing a stripe of this orange somewhere? i barely get an answer, let alone acknowledgement that words just came out of my mouth. with a slightly perturbed look he says something along the lines of, or at least i deciphered it as, you’ve got to be shitting me. i’ve got way more important things to think about than in what corner the freaking chair will go and what shade of orange to paint a stripe. i finish lubing my belly, throw my shirt on and walk off (attempting to ‘huff’ as much as possible) to get jackson dressed.

as we’re getting ready to head out the door justin apologizes (although, i’m sure he doesn’t think this is really necessary but knows that i’m more stubborn and probably will wait until later, if at all, to discuss – yes, he’s usually the bigger person) for whatever it was he did to make me huff and puff. and per my usual self, i haven’t really processed what it is that made me mad until i start to speak (guess that whole communication thing really works. weird). turns out all i was looking for was to be humored. humoring your spouse, in good times and bad, should be built into your wedding vows if you ask me. because seriously, how often do you really not care about something your husband is into but you ask about it, and talk about it and support it because you care about him? this was one of those moments. i wasn’t looking for a half hour long interior design discussion. i know he’s not going to be scratching his head at the behr paint counter pondering between rust and paprika, but taking one second to point to a corner for the chair wouldn’t have killed him. maybe i’m just asking too much? maybe we’re both a little sensitive these days; and for good reason. damn, i wish i could come home and have cold blue moon, or three. guess i’ll have to resort to the usual: watermelon sherbet with chocolate chips on top…

bottom line, whether justin knows it or not, i’ve got all the furniture already laid out in my head. i know where jackson’s crib will go and his big boy bed. i also already know which corner the chair will go in and what color slip color i’m going to buy (so there). i’ve got three toy storage pieces  tagged as favorites and just have to choose one. i’ve decided that round door handles, versus the long kinda curved ones will be best for the new doors. there’s a really cute rug at target for jackson’s new room but I’m going to hold off buying it because i think ikea might have cuter, cheaper ones. i want a neutral, light color for the walls in the nursery but don’t like yellow. maybe a cool shade of green? good idea.

did i just humor myself? convenient, efficient and without protest. not too shabby.

keep your fingers crossed for the speedy erection of our bedroom walls, our sanity, our marriage, and my decorating skillz. will have an update and some pictures to share soon.

Thursday, July 30th, 2009, 4:35 pm   |   change, jackson, loosing it, marriage, Uncategorized  |  RSS feed |  Respond  |  Trackback